Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think my moral compass just broke
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