where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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