he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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