You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
