So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
