her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
