apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
