then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
