real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i barfeds in our rink
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
