This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
