Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
