my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
