Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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