Do you still have your period?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
