after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
