Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
