she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
