i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
