If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
