He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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