I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am available for nakedness
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize