just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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