He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
