Dual....:-)
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize