Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
