remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
