If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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