Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
