i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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