no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
