true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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