remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is the high leading the old right now
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
