Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
