Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
