I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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