Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
