You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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