apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
