No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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