is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
