I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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