There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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