Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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