I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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