i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
