I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Edward fifth and chaser hands
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
