Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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