Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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