no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
