I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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