sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
