i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
