well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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