My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize