You work out of a Hotel?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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