Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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