I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
