her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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