Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
