I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
