Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
