I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize