I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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