she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize