Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
