k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
