Your dad touched me again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
