If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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