Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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