Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
