I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
